I continue to keep the local chemist in business, buying lotions and potions.
Hello 2015, wonder how you will be ? My dog Max is sniffing out the old year, the cast off tree.
I quit my part-time job in December, so more space. Oooh, that’s a bit scarey, will I stare into space ? Shall I learn how to do nothing ? I have a conversation with myself :
“Change means change from what you know !
You have to let go of one thing to find what comes next !
Ok, ok accept that – but what comes next ?
Ah, you can’t know that til you let go of what you know…”
I know that New Year nudges me to remember -my partner died three years ago, so it’s the fourth year without him. I am less sad than before. But reminders of loss are like grief beads on a necklace, one remembered loss joins the other ones, a chain of them. I get fed up with it sometimes, want it all to go away. No, I do think accepting the losses also means gaining a sharpened sense of what you really like. Say going to see Grayson Perry’s amazing portraits of different people – Chris Huhne, a transgender person, a reality tv guy, Ulster people. So powerful. Grief beads are ok in exchange for this vividness.