In no particular order, I’m writing about cooking, bereavement and control pants today. Let’s start with cooking. I am attracted to cooking again. This popped into my head one morning – I’ll look in my Ottolenghi book again, bought 3 years ago and hardly used. I’ll try out a risotto recipe for the first
time, that’d be fun. And what about inventing a spicey chick pea dish, to see what it tastes like ? Try turmeric in it – that is good.
It feels like coming home, back to cooking for pleasure again. I’ve been away, so to speak, from any motivation to cook properly, since my partner died. Food then was just necessary stuff you had to eat to keep going. Other people’s cooking was a treat because they cooked it. I could not raise any energy for the whole business of planning and shopping for food, or cooking for myself. I drew a cartoon just after he died, titled the ‘Laughing Fridge’, as we had just bought a big fridge. It seemed to be mocking me with its space for two people’s food when I was now alone.
I wonder if anyone else has experienced this kind of de-motivation after being bereaved, and later reclaimed the enjoyment of sniffing the aroma of spices from the wok ? Does enjoying eating lead to thoughts about ‘control pants’ or ‘look trim underwear’.
Trying on a soft fabric tunic in a boutique clothes shop recently, I  looked in the mirror and saw the outline of my midriff, a bit soft and bulgey, undisguised by the soft fabric. Not a good look. I said this to the  shop assistant when handing the tunic back.’ You need some control pants for the flat look’, she said.
So control pants –                            the natural look before –             the flat look after.
Wearing these control pants, could you sit down, or eat a three course meal I wonder ? Think I’ll leave them to other women who want them, and make another risotto.