Pegman takes us to Billinudgel, New South Wales in Australia this week
Here’s my 150 word story.
Old Railway Town
The pub, my retreat, sitting by the window. The flaming sunset soothes me for a while.
Time’s become elastic since you left – is it months ? Or years ? I’m fuming with despair, catch my pasty face reflected back at me from the window. Joy turned to ashes.
Soon as you arrived here, stepping off that train, we connected, soul mates at once, twin hearts blown away for always. You said, no need for daily details, just tune in together. Clever, crafty, city boy.
Huh ! Details like your girlfriend in the city, your work here casual as you wanted. Oh, and the train company was closing the station here, you had no car. I ‘m haunted by the image of you on the last train from here, watching the train fade into a dot and disappear. Gone as if you had never been here.
April 10, 2018 at 3:36 am
Soon as you arrived here, stepping off that train, we connected, soul mates at once, twin hearts blown away for always. You said, no need for daily details, just tune in together. Clever, crafty, city boy.
Oh, there is so much said and revealed in this paragraph. Hope ~ soul mates at once…. The first bad-hand dealt ~ no need for daily details …. Reveal ~ Clever, crafty, city boy.
The whole story is well done, my dear.
April 10, 2018 at 8:18 am
Thank you for your feedback – much appreciated. I think there is a bit of a resonance to ‘ clever crafty city boy’ !
April 10, 2018 at 10:13 am
‘clever, crafty, city boy,’ reminded me of one of Carol Ann Duffy’s poems, ‘Mrs Faust’, in which the title character describes her husband as a “clever, cunning, callous bastard,” so, yes, some resonance!
April 9, 2018 at 11:25 pm
Excellent story of pain, loss and learning to let go of the past.
April 10, 2018 at 8:19 am
Thank you Lisa, I guess an experience we can all identify with.
April 9, 2018 at 9:09 pm
I can really feel the character’s angst.
actually gave me a lot to think about as we are privy to her sharing…
and fav line:
“Time’s become elastic since….”
April 10, 2018 at 8:20 am
Thank you, so glad you found it thought provoking. Sense of time can go wonky, can’t it, after a loss …
April 11, 2018 at 1:46 am
yes – it sure can…
🙂
April 9, 2018 at 2:34 pm
You’ve told us a good story, and mostly by implication. We’ve all been in despair over a failed relationship in one way or another, so you can safely describe the end result and leave us to fill in the details. The secret, of course, is how you sketch the end result…something you do very artfully in this story! Nicely written!
April 9, 2018 at 6:36 pm
Thank you for the analysis, it makes sense. Glad you liked it.
April 9, 2018 at 12:27 pm
You captured an entire novel in there–so much emotion and vivid characterization to boot. I think she’s better off–I hope she sees it soon.
April 9, 2018 at 2:22 pm
Thank you Karen, appreciate your feedback. Hope she learns to be assertive !
April 9, 2018 at 11:43 am
Sounds like a real shit. You capture the bitterness really well.
April 9, 2018 at 2:25 pm
Thank you Josh, pleased the feeling comes through.
April 9, 2018 at 10:37 am
What a swine! Such a calculated way to inflict misery on another person. A great feeling of loss and frustration throughout. Excellent
April 9, 2018 at 11:17 am
Thank you Lynn- appreciate your feedback. Swine is a perfect term for the feckless man.
April 9, 2018 at 3:46 pm
My pleasure. There are some nasty pieces of work out there, that’s for sure