Rochelle’s Friday Fictioneer challenge this week is prompted by the view from a window, and wherever that takes us.. here’s my story.
IT’S ALL FINE
‘See the moon, another world. I can’t sleep. Wonder if other girls are asleep in those houses ? Tucked up in bed by their mothers. Brenda says good-night, she’s not my mum. I’m lucky, live in a house, have food. Brenda is fair .She loves her own kids, she likes me. I don’t expect more, I fit in. It’s all fine.
I dream I’m dragged down into the dark lake – try to scream but the water fills my mouth. wake up shaking, lost. Mum please wrap your arms around me.
The moon is a different world, can I find a world where I’m special, where I belong ?
September 9, 2018 at 4:04 pm
I wonder if a child like that can ever heal… nights are so dark even in moonlight.
September 10, 2018 at 9:29 am
Thanks Bjorn – I wonder too. Maybe the child needs to meet a nurturing person late in life, t be healed ?
September 9, 2018 at 4:48 am
Poor baby. How often do we all delude ourselves with the repetitive of phrase of “its fine”? Nicely done.
September 10, 2018 at 6:25 pm
Thank you liked the story, Jo.
September 8, 2018 at 10:47 am
Very well-written, capturing the reality of the child’s innermost emotions.
September 10, 2018 at 6:29 pm
Thanks so much Jilly, glad the story worked for you.
September 10, 2018 at 6:50 pm
Thanks so much Jilly – pleased you liked he story.
September 8, 2018 at 1:27 am
Very moving.
September 10, 2018 at 6:54 pm
Thank you Lisa, much appreciated.
September 7, 2018 at 8:44 am
A very moving story made all the more so by the style in which you’ve written it. Excellent.
September 10, 2018 at 6:58 pm
Thank you Keith, I appreciate your comment, glad you liked the story.
September 6, 2018 at 2:28 pm
Very well done, Francine. You have us all wishing we could hug that child.
September 6, 2018 at 2:40 pm
Thanks so much Dale. You’re right on about us wanting to hug her.
September 6, 2018 at 11:21 am
Ouch, what a distressing tale.
Excellent work.
September 6, 2018 at 2:22 pm
Thanks for your feedback. Glad you liked the story.
September 6, 2018 at 9:32 am
Sad story!
September 6, 2018 at 10:47 am
Thank you Abhijit – agree with you, a sad story indeed.
September 6, 2018 at 9:05 am
I think you captured the anxiety in this piece, with a great expectations for the future.
September 6, 2018 at 10:50 am
Thanks James – appreciate your feedback. I do believe that things can get better for such a child.
September 6, 2018 at 7:31 am
The child asks such valid questions!! 🙁
September 6, 2018 at 10:50 am
Thank you – glad you liked the story.
September 7, 2018 at 5:11 am
My pleasure! 🙂
September 6, 2018 at 7:12 am
Quite sad. Sometimes just “fitting in” is not enough, especially for a child.
September 6, 2018 at 10:52 am
Thanks for your feedback Ali. Agree with you that adapting is not always enough.
September 5, 2018 at 9:46 pm
Dear Francine,
The child’s voice makes this story quite effective. Touching. Sad.
Shalom,
Rochelle
September 6, 2018 at 10:52 am
Thank you Rochelle – I appreciate your feedback.
September 5, 2018 at 8:44 pm
That’s such a sad story. We all need someone to hug us when we’re scared. Like Susan, I think the voice you’ve used is effective.
September 6, 2018 at 10:54 am
Thank you Penny – pleased that you found the child’s voice effective. I wanted to tune into how a child would express herself, and how she would understand her situation.
September 5, 2018 at 8:04 pm
The staccato sentences and off kilter punctuation really worked to give this a strong voice. Good take on the photo prompt.
Susan A Eames at
Travel, Fiction and Photos
September 6, 2018 at 10:56 am
Thanks Susan, appreciate your feedback about the ‘strong voice’ of the child. Glad you liked the story.
September 5, 2018 at 8:01 pm
Heart-breaking
September 6, 2018 at 10:57 am
Thanks so much Neil, appreciate your feedback.