lThanks to dear Rochelle for hosting Friday Fictioneers and to Lisa for the photo.
MESSENGER
Phylis sped along the dusty road, the thrum of her motor-bike rousing the birds from the hedgerow as she passed the verges of sweet verbena, poppies and vetch. A moment of innocence, to forget the remorseless cruelty of metal on bone day after day, the dull thud of mortar shells, the dreadful heartbeat as men fell. Phylis had felt proud to be a dispatch rider for the army, war work, classified work. Now overwhelmed by fear, every part of her being cried out ‘stop this carnage’. She must take this message, whatever the consequences.
August 24, 2021 at 4:17 pm
Impressive writing, Francine. I particularly admired “the dreadful heartbeat as men fell”; incredibly powerful.
August 25, 2021 at 9:03 am
Thanks so much for your feedback Penny, much appreciated.It’s a powerful subject isn’t it.
August 22, 2021 at 11:05 am
Great writing, from setting the scene to describing her emotions and the progression from pride to terror and resolve. She is doing an important job.
August 22, 2021 at 11:24 am
Thank you Gabi, I’m glad you liked the story.
August 21, 2021 at 10:32 am
Dear Francine,
Wonderful build of tension. You took this reader from an enjoyable ride to urgent fear in 100 words. Good job.
Shalom,
Rochelle
August 22, 2021 at 9:25 am
Thank you Rochelle. An emotive subject isn’t it.
August 21, 2021 at 8:59 am
What a heroine! Well done.
August 22, 2021 at 11:30 am
Thanks for your comment Mason, glad you liked the story.
August 22, 2021 at 11:45 am
You’re welcome.
August 21, 2021 at 7:05 am
Your first sentence is a grabber. Not only to set the content but also to let me know I would be reading an amazing writer. Great story.
August 22, 2021 at 1:14 pm
Thanks so much for your kind words Oneta. Pleased you liked the story.
August 21, 2021 at 12:52 am
I liked the scene setting you did and how you developed that need to take action in the main character. Glad you liked my photo 🙂
August 22, 2021 at 1:30 pm
I appreciate your feedback Jade. It felt like a challenge to fit in the main character’s feelings into the 100 words.
August 20, 2021 at 2:58 pm
I really liked the contrast between the idyllic peace at the beginning and the dread at the end
August 22, 2021 at 1:39 pm
Thanks Neil, I’m pleased you liked the contrast. As it happens I’ve been reading a book about war.
August 20, 2021 at 2:46 pm
An important job. I hope her message helps to stop the war.
August 22, 2021 at 1:44 pm
Thanks Ali, I appreciate your comment.