The Friday Fictioneers’ challenge from Rochelle, this week, is prompted by the photo of a remote location, with a big sky. The challenge is write a 100 word story Here’s mine.
photo courtesy of Douglas M. Macilroy
The Whirligig
‘The voice told me to drive here, stand with my back to the faraway hills. Does it know that I feel trapped, insulted, furious ? I’m supposed to make all the decisions, manage the diary for the whole family, huh ? Defer to every-one else’s needs. I’m going out of my mind.
In my dreams, I fly through rainbows, sing and dance, feel touched by peace and freedom.
Here, I’m pulled towards the whirligig, to the core of its vortex, as it starts to spin. I’m sucked up into it, faster and faster’…..then silence.
‘Whose car is this ? Been parked here since yesterday.’
April 24, 2018 at 3:21 am
Were you talking about me? I’m sure you were… I’m joining her on her dreams… rainbows, dancing, flying…
April 24, 2018 at 12:43 pm
Seems like I was Dale- joining her dreams sounds fab !
April 24, 2018 at 12:45 pm
😀
Doesn’t it, though? Getting away from “real life”?
April 23, 2018 at 8:46 pm
Dear Francine,
This almost has a Wizard of Oz quality to it. I wonder if the silence will be broken by Munchkins. 😉 Well done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
April 24, 2018 at 12:45 pm
You’re right Rochelle – now you say that, I can hear Dorothy singing.. ‘Somewhere over the rainbow…’
April 22, 2018 at 9:39 pm
Delightful second paragraph, a great contrast to the oppression of the opening scene.
April 23, 2018 at 7:39 pm
Thank you Alicia – pleased you liked the story.
April 22, 2018 at 4:43 pm
I’m not usually a fan of allegory, but you’ve written this one rather well. It’s very ambitious with only 100 words, but you succeed. Well done!
April 22, 2018 at 5:23 pm
Thanks for your feedback Penny. I certainly did a lot of word pruning – so glad it worked.
April 22, 2018 at 9:28 am
The burden on her shoulders came over brilliantly
April 22, 2018 at 5:24 pm
Most kind Michael. For me there was something about the remote spot + deserted car which set me off…
April 21, 2018 at 3:22 pm
That was an intriguing story. I didn’t read it as ‘scary’ or ‘chilling’ as others did.
Susan A Eames at
Travel, Fiction and Photos
April 22, 2018 at 5:25 pm
Thanks for your feedback Susan.
April 21, 2018 at 3:12 pm
The car is an unknown factor. Great take.
April 22, 2018 at 5:26 pm
Thanks for your feedback – glad you liked it.
April 20, 2018 at 10:19 pm
Chilling. Wonderful.
April 22, 2018 at 5:26 pm
Kind words Lisa, thank you.
April 20, 2018 at 8:47 pm
Oy. Very dark and scary, and well done!
April 22, 2018 at 5:27 pm
Thanks Granonine – I imagined the woman in the story feeling very strongly…
April 20, 2018 at 7:31 pm
I hope she is still breathing.
I read your story a few times. Not thinking about the darkest possibility, yet.
April 22, 2018 at 5:29 pm
You’re right Moon, the ending is rather ambiguous isn’t it. Guess its whatever you want it to be ?
April 22, 2018 at 5:37 pm
i had been waiting to read your response. You have written the flash brilliantly. I also read Penny’s and your response to Neil’s comment and i kind of feel comforted in knowing that i can put the darkest picture to rest, at least for now.
Brilliant writing , indeed.
April 20, 2018 at 7:18 pm
Scary! Well done.
April 22, 2018 at 5:29 pm
Thank you for your feedback.
April 20, 2018 at 5:25 pm
Escape isn’t always easy
April 22, 2018 at 5:31 pm
I agree, it is not. I imagine feeling conflicting pushes and pulls – to stay or to go.