photo courtesy of Melitha Blasco
Pegman this week takes us to the fascinating city of Montevideo in Uruguay. Are you inspired to write a 159 word story prompted by this city ? Here’s mine.
WHO IS HE ?
‘I tell myself : Ricky you made it here at last. Montevideo. With just a few pesos to spare. Wow, look at that gorgeous food stall, makes me hungry.
I walked away from their narrow minds, their mockery, their machismo…they said : Ricky you’re different, too soft, not one of us. You are an outsider, they said. OK, so I stepped outside their small world and came here. What a city. I’ve never seen such a great mix of people. There’s different rhythm here, I can feel my pulse quicken, powered by its energy, its possibilities.
Hey, someone’s looking at me, he’s approaching…’
” Hi, I’m Mateo and who are you ?”
“Ricki, I just got here..”
“You hungry ? Like a choripan ? Let’s go and get some…I can show you some good places to go to in the city.”
August 17, 2018 at 3:36 pm
I was wondering if you had his named spelled different when he replied (i and not y) for a reason.
I liked hte cheery ending – as opposed to what Dale and I felt could happen.. ha
and you know, it is different – but the way you wrote about Ricky’s feeling at home (that freedom) was how I felt the day i drove into Denver Colorado in August 1993.
The bit of rust on the highway felt like Buffalo – and the mountains welcomed me and then the people were kin!
August 17, 2018 at 4:38 pm
Sounds like you recognised a real sense of freedom and emotionally “coming home”. How special.
August 17, 2018 at 5:41 pm
it was my new home – and was for ten years – and still my favorite place to have lived – but too far from family and also – landlocked (#need the sea)
love this “feel my pulse quicken”
this fiction reminds us all to make sure we stay alive while living –
August 15, 2018 at 2:28 am
I enjoyed this. And I prefer to think there is nothing sinister… just more openness…
August 17, 2018 at 12:40 pm
Thank you Dale – pleased you like the story…I was imagining freedom for Ricky, compared to prejudice where he came from.
August 17, 2018 at 3:34 pm
Dale, I almost sensed something could happen at the end too – like someone might just be taking advantage of a foreigner…
but glad it was all good….
August 14, 2018 at 1:42 pm
I like your description of the energy of the city. I can’t help feeling that Mateo is a slightly sinister character, though!
August 14, 2018 at 3:40 pm
Glad you like the description of the city. Oh dear, is Mateo not be trusted ? Is Ricky too trusting ?
August 14, 2018 at 3:59 pm
Well, your description of Ricky hints that he’s perhaps effeminate. With Mateo hitting on him so quickly, I can’t help wondering if Mateo is a sexual predator. After all, if you had made your main character a young woman, a man approaching her like Mateo does Ricky would be alarming, wouldn’t you say?
August 14, 2018 at 12:36 am
Ricky has made the right move, it seems. I like how the voice conveys the action of the city as well as the character and his story. Nicely done.
August 14, 2018 at 3:41 pm
Appreciate your feedback Karen, Pleased that the voice works for you.