photo courtesy of J Hardy Carroll
Rochelle’s challenge this week is provided by the intriguing photo of an abandoned prosthetic leg. Here’s my 100 word take on it.
‘The traffic, it’s so noisy, the roar hurts my ears. Need to retreat, back off, feels so hot. I can see the enemy by that building, ready to fire at us. Gotta move, can’t move, my real leg is in spasm, can’t stand up.
In my dreams they fire at me, I want to run, can’t I’m frozen. Daren’t go to sleep or they’ll get me. Why is this happening ? Its my fault, could’ve warned the others, seen the ambush sooner. Feel so ashamed, so scared.’
‘Hey Ed, my brother, let me help you old friend, cos you saved my life that time….’
July 9, 2018 at 12:51 pm
Your choppy phrases, separated by commas really give the reader a feeling for his haunted, frenetic dreams. Nice work.
July 9, 2018 at 4:47 pm
Thanks for your feedback, Glad you liked the story.
July 7, 2018 at 2:05 pm
You’ve captured PTSD and survivors guilt beautifully. Glad he had a friend to remind him of the good he DID do. Well done.
July 8, 2018 at 7:18 pm
Thank you Rochelle- so glad you liked the story. Felt the story would be too bleak without a loyal friend.
July 7, 2018 at 8:58 am
Very powerful, expertly conveyed, you can really feel the emotions
July 8, 2018 at 7:19 pm
Thanks for your feedback Michael – so pleased you liked the story, and that it worked for you.
July 7, 2018 at 7:14 am
ah, guilt is such a disability. Lovey sentiments here.
July 7, 2018 at 8:21 am
Thank you James, I appreciate your feedback.
July 6, 2018 at 9:19 pm
Vividly written. I cannot imagine what it must be like to be so damaged and so misunderstood.
July 7, 2018 at 8:23 am
Thank you Jilly, it seems like big price to pay, doesn’t it.
July 6, 2018 at 9:46 am
An awful thing to have to live with, and you described it perfectly.
Click to read my FriFic tale
July 7, 2018 at 8:24 am
Thanks for your feedback, I agree it’s an awful price.
July 6, 2018 at 3:12 am
Nicely written. So well put together.
July 6, 2018 at 8:03 am
Appreciate your feedback Lisa- I find the 100 word limit is a good discipline- makes you focus doesn’t it .
July 7, 2018 at 10:08 pm
It does, it helps make things more precise for sure which often helps the story be better than the first draft.
July 5, 2018 at 5:15 pm
Well done, Francine. I can only imagine what goes on in their heads in their dreams and awake…
Just wanted to let you know you lost your “t” on the last line 😉
July 6, 2018 at 8:24 am
Glad you liked the story Dale, thanks.
July 5, 2018 at 4:56 pm
I agree with Neil. This is a perfect story about survivors guilt. Well done.
July 6, 2018 at 8:05 am
Thank you so much Alicia. It seems to me unfair that a soldier suffers form the original combat, and then guilt for surviving .
July 5, 2018 at 3:42 pm
Another veteran story – there are so many this week, and this is another good one.
July 6, 2018 at 8:24 am
Appreciate you feedback Liz – thank you.
July 5, 2018 at 12:06 pm
PTSD, guilt, he has a long recovery ahead of him.
July 6, 2018 at 8:27 am
Yes Ali, he does. Hope he gets help with it.
July 5, 2018 at 11:02 am
A lot of guilt and trauma to have to carry through life.
July 6, 2018 at 8:28 am
Yes he does, hope he gets help from people who understand it.
July 5, 2018 at 7:54 am
A powerful glimpse of survivor guilt
July 5, 2018 at 10:26 am
Thanks Neil, appreciate your feedback.