Rochelle’s challenge this week is prompted by CEayr’s evocative photo.
PHOTO PROMPT © C.E. Ayr
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TWILIGHT
The trees merge into the twilight. Ripples slap against the sides of the pool. The man draws on his cigarette, breathing in the stillness.
In the darkest corner, something bobs on the water’s surface, a branch ? No, a beach shoe.
Cigarette finished, he walks towards the bar, his foot crunching– on what? Peering down he sees splintered sunglasses.
Need a night cap. Pool lights off, there’s total darkness.
He walks towards the bar, hears a plaintive wail which pierces his heart, ‘Help me’.
Restored after two cognacs, until the news comes on:
‘today a woman drowned in the pool of her hotel.’
January 20, 2020 at 8:14 am
I liked the sparing style here, Francine, it works really well. And some people will just walk on by, whatever. It’s not in their nature to put themselves out for people
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January 20, 2020 at 4:40 pm
I appreciate your comment Lynn, glad you liked the style – it was a bit of an experiment.
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January 12, 2020 at 9:28 pm
Repulsive man… somehow I doubt he even likes himself.
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January 13, 2020 at 2:01 pm
I appreciate your comment Bjorn. A man without empathy ?
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January 12, 2020 at 6:25 pm
What a horrid, awful man, I half-wish his mind was so fogged he imagined it all but Ijust want to feed him to the fishes… Got any cement boots in that dark mind of yours? 😉
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January 13, 2020 at 2:15 pm
Love your comment Dale, made me smile. Episode two of my story could begin with feeding him to the fishes !
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January 13, 2020 at 4:36 pm
Tee hee!!
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January 11, 2020 at 2:27 pm
Not a nice chap.
I like how you built the tale.
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January 13, 2020 at 2:18 pm
Thanks, glad you liked the building of the story. I wrote many more words in draft to create atmosphere, before drastic pruning !
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January 13, 2020 at 2:37 pm
Yep, that’s usually the way of it!
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January 11, 2020 at 8:21 am
I get the feeling that even after hearing the news he still doesn’t care.
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January 13, 2020 at 2:29 pm
Think you’re right Ali, thanks for your comment.
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January 10, 2020 at 11:16 pm
Ugh, that moment of realization could haunt a person for life.
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January 13, 2020 at 2:37 pm
Thanks Jade. I reckon something unexpected or sudden might be hard to believe.
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January 10, 2020 at 2:42 pm
shocking that he walks away – needing his alcohol fix. Certainly a sackable offence. poor woman.
A story that makes you think about responsibility and attention at work.
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January 10, 2020 at 5:16 pm
I appreciate your comment James, thanks. Definitely a ‘dark’ story.
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January 10, 2020 at 12:52 pm
Dear Francine,
Sounds like his mind was too alcohol fogged to make sense of anything. My guess is a hangover coupled with remorse is in his immediate future. Good one.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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January 10, 2020 at 1:55 pm
Thanks for you comment Rochelle, the man is definitely not into helping others !
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January 10, 2020 at 11:03 am
Woah! You don’t often do dark! At the very least your cigarette smoking main character is a lazy coward; at worst, he could even be implicated – the splintered sunglasses suggest violence before the woman entered the water. Good take on the prompt.
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January 10, 2020 at 2:03 pm
Thanks so much for your comment Penny, much appreciated. You’re right about me not often doing dark. The photo prompted me to think about old fashioned ghost stories, like those by MR James’, with hinted at sinister goings on.
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January 9, 2020 at 10:54 pm
I thought it was all in his mind, good stuff
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January 10, 2020 at 5:29 pm
Thanks for your comment, so glad you liked the story. My idea was to suggest ambiguity – a ghostly wail or a person thrashing around in the pool.
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January 9, 2020 at 8:20 pm
I figure he thought the plea for help was in his mind and not for real? Tragic story all round.
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January 10, 2020 at 5:37 pm
Thanks for your comment Ian. An unhappy story indeed.
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January 9, 2020 at 8:07 pm
He heard the cry and didn’t respond? What’s wrong with him?
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January 10, 2020 at 5:56 pm
Thanks for your comment Neil. A selfish villain not a hero.
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